Being Old is No Excuse
Over the past 38 years, LGBTQ+ identities and vocabulary have changed, our society’s acceptance of LGBTQ+ people has also changed, but the church is not keeping up. Sure, the church is over 2,000 years old, and sometimes we use that to justify why we’re slow to respond to the changing times, but that’s no excuse. People are eager to find welcoming communities, and churches have a responsibility to prioritize staying relevant so they can offer extravagant hospitality to LGBTQ+ people.
This blog post explores the how the world has changed, why churches need to keep up, and how they can stay relevant in their welcome of LGBTQ+ people. This task is specifically directed to Open and Affirming (ONA) Churches, those are churches in the United Church of Christ which have made an explicit commitment to welcome all people, but specifically LGBTQ+ people, into the full life and ministry of the church. However, the suggestions offered here may offer wisdom for any congregation that wants to offer intentional hospitality to LGBTQ+ people.
1987
- Homosexual acts were illegal in many parts of the country.
- The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” policy was in full force in the United States military.
- Openly LGBTQ+ people were shunned from almost every house of worship in the United States.
- The first fifteen churches in the United Church of Christ were certified Open and Affirming.[1]
2025
- Marriage equality is legal across the country.
- Society’s attitudes towards LGBTQ+ people have changed. Not only do people overwhelmingly think that LGBTQ+ people should have the all the same rights and privileges of heterosexual people, but they also think it is morally acceptable to be LGBTQ+.[2]
- The categories, vocabulary and communities of LGBTQ+ people have evolved drastically, now including people who identify as gender queer, gender non-conforming, and non-binary.
If ONA churches end their process of self-reflection and education around the needs of LGBTQ+ people when they become ONA, they quickly become obsolete in their welcome. Through my research, I discovered the most effective way for churches to stay true to their ONA covenant is to listen, repeatedly, to the needs of the LGBTQ+ people in their congregation and their community. This will help ensure that they are offering God’s extravagant love to all LGBTQ+ people.
My Research and Implementation
I studied how ONA churches can offer informed welcome and hospitality at Naples United Church of Christ, in Naples, Florida. The church’s average age is 72 years old, and it has approximately a thousand members. I wanted to center the voices of LGBTQ+ people, so I interviewed anyone in the church who identified as LGBTQ+.
You can see in the chart below the number of participants, as well as their feelings about the church being Open and Affirming.
There was a contradiction in my findings. On the one hand, LGBTQ+ people want to be to be treated just like everyone else, they do not want to stick out, but on the other hand, they do want to be deeply understood. LGBTQ+ church members do not want to be the center of attention, but they do want the wider church to understand their lived experiences, to know that it can be difficult to be LGBTQ+.
Naples UCC participates in the annual Naples Pride fest, they have an ONA Sunday each June, and they lift up LGBTQ+ people in worship in the prayers and sermons. The participants expressed appreciation for these things. However, since they desire to be more deeply understood, I also organized a Safe Zones training. It is an educational program about LGBTQ+ people which encompasses symbols and vocabulary, with the goal of creating a common language around LGBTQ+ topics. Additionally, it is a safe space for people to ask questions without fear of being judged or criticized. This program served the purpose of educating our congregation about very basic LGBTQ+ topics so they had a baseline education from which we could then be in dialogue with one another, without drawing attention to any specific person in the congregation.
If I had expanded the research, I would have attempted to interview community members to learn what they are looking for in a faith community.
Why It Matters
Most people describe present-day Christianity as anti-homosexual. [3] Across the country, the majority of churches do not allow people in same-gender relationships to be members, even fewer allow them to serve in leadership roles, and only 5.7% of churches have formal welcome statements.[4]
In 2023, 41% of LGBTQ+ young people seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, and fewer than 40% of LGBTQ+ young people described their homes as LGBTQ-affirming.[5] We know that an affirming church can have a positive influence on the spirituality and mental health of LGBTQ+ people, especially youth.[6]
In an era in which so many LGBTQ+ youth struggle with mental health, and some consider or attempt to take their own lives, the stakes are very high for all churches, but especially ones that are in an otherwise arid desert of affirming churches. This care can not only help heal people, it can literally save lives.
Need More Help?
Taking the vote to become Open and Affirming five, ten, or twenty years ago was a starting line, not a finish line. I encourage you to talk with the LBGTQ+ people in your church, and in your broader community. Find out what their needs are, what they would like to see the church do. They will help you understand what you are doing well, and where you can improve. Then identify a group of folks who will explore what it might look like to make some of the suggested changes. Do this again and again, talk to your people every few years, so that you can make sure you are continually offering extravagant hospitality to LGBTQ+ people.
In my research, I discovered that you don’t have to understand someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity to love them and welcome them in the community, but you do have to be willing to be changed for the better by being in a faith community with them.
I imagine you want your church to be relevant, and more importantly, you want to stay true to your ONA covenant. That’s a promise you made to one another, and to God, to welcome all God’s children into your community. If you want to offer extravagant hospitality, all you have to do is: listen, implement, and repeat.
If your church would like support with this process, please be in touch with me, I’d be glad to help.
Rev. Dr. Angela Wells-Bean
AngelaWellsBean [at] gmail [dot] com
Footnotes
[1] “A 2023 Statistical Profile,” United Church of Christ, effective April 11, 2025, https://openandaffirming.org/about/history/#timeline.
[2] “Accelerating Acceptance 2023: A Survey of American Acceptance and Attitudes Toward LGBTQ Americans,” GLAAD, effective March 18, 2025, https://glaad.org/publications/accelerating-acceptance-2023/.
[3] E. McCann, G. Donohue, and F. Timmins. An Exploration of the Relationship Between Spirituality, Religion and Mental Health Among Youth Who Identify as LGBT+: A Systematic Literature Review. Journal of Religion and Health Vol. 59, (February 2020): 838, https://doi.org/10.1007/s10943-020-00989-7.
[4] Andrew L. Whitehead, “Religious Organizations and Homosexuality: The Acceptance of Gays and Lesbians in American Congregations.” Review of Religious Research Vol. 55, No. 2 (2013): 305, 308, https://www.jstor.org/stable/43186210.
[5] “2023 U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ Young People,” The Trevor Project, accessed May 31, 2024, https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2023/. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2023/
[6] McCann et al, “An Exploration of the Relationship,” 842.’