Tag Archives: loss


Pregnancy Loss

In her article, 7 empathy cards for someone who’s lost a pregnancy. Because it’s hard to know what to say, Laura Willard presents the idea of “[acknowledging] the loss of a pregnancy the way we [address] any significant loss.” This is an idea that we have recently discussed in class but this article gives new insight on how to help those who have come face to face with this type of loss. A miscarriage is something that as a society we have a hard time addressing because most people really just don’t know what to do or what to say to those who have faced this type of loss. I am sure that most people understand that this can be a painful and tragic situation but coming up with the right words to say to a couple or individual that has lost a pregnancy can be impossible at times. For this reason, Dr. Jessica Zucker has come up with empathy cards that could be given to those who have lost a pregnancy. These cards sum up the words that many of us have difficulty coming up with. They are suited to all kind of tastes and I love the idea because it really helps bring this problem to light. My personal favorite is the one that finishes off with “I may not always know the right thing to say, but I’m going to try. I love you like crazy.” It perfectly summarizes the “loss for words” problem that surrounds this topic but offers a good approach to ease into the subject.


According to the article, roughly 20% of pregnancies end in loss. That means that one in five couples or individuals face this. That is an overwhelmingly high statistic but to some extent, there is no working around it. As the article says, that’s just molecular biology, in other words, that’s life, or at least the consequences of trying to make it. These cards help “change the culture of conversation – and lack of it – around miscarriage, pregnancy loss, and stillbirth” and will hopefully inspire people to face it with a little more grace.

Link to article: http://www.upworthy.com/7-empathy-cards-for-someone-whos-lost-a-pregnancy-because-its-hard-to-know-what-to-say?c=ufb1

Healing Spaces

Earlier this year our class read about the important role material items play in the grieving process for parents who miscarry or lose a child at birth. In these cases parents never get to spend real time with or form memories of the dead child, and the child does not live long enough to accumulate personal artifacts, so parents often rely on material objects to remind them of the child’s existence. But how does this role change when a parent loses an older child? Are the child’s possessions more important because they help fill the gap that is created from their death? Or are these possessions more painful because they are accompanied by memories of the child’s life?Toys

In a recent Huffington Post video “Creating Space to Heal: Mother Transforms Murdered Son’s Bedroom” Beth Dargis describes her cathartic experience of transforming her deceased son’s bedroom into a hang-out space for her daughter and her friends. For some reason I had always been under the impression that parents tended to keep their deceased children’s rooms relatively untouched after their death, and in so doing created a sort of shrine to the child. This video showed, however, that cleaning out her son’s room was a beneficial component of her grieving process and provided her with a way to let life go on and create new memories. Dargis cited the fact that her son would not have wanted a shrine for himself as one of the reasons behind the rooms transformation, which is interesting considering how often times the deceased’s wishes are ignored so that their loved ones can grieve in a way that benefits themselves. While she did get rid of most items from her son’s room, Dargis still kept a few important one and created a more miniature shrine in his honor.

This video made me wonder: in getting rid of material objects related to deceased children, are parents simultaneously getting rid of their child’s memory? Or do they not need these objects because they have memories of their child, whereas parents who miscarry do not?