Journal 3- Emily Zhang

In Small Beauty, the way that the author wrote Mei’s perspective and inner thought process when she was alone did allow me to actually feel in her head to some degree. This was often the result of how the writing seemed to reflect or integrate a more natural stream-of-consciousness narrative style in portraying Mei’s inner monologue. 

There are a few moments that stood out to me in particular:

Mei walks to the sink and stares out the window over the back of the property. The goose has returned and is looking in the window. She should probably stop feeding it.

(p.6)

The interruption of the narrative-style description with the somewhat distracted, random observation and thought about the goose served to recalibrate my perspective as a reader. To me, this seemed to reflect how my own thoughts flow in reality. When I experience my own life, my mind and thoughts are rarely organized linearly or logically. Instead, it jumps around and latches on any random stimuli that seems to distract it. This passage reflected that as it broke up lengths of narrative and description with an in-the-moment distraction by a sensory observation of the goose along with a piece of realistic inner monologue from Mei. This realism pulled me in to feel that I was actively experiencing this moment from within Mei’s own mind rather than simply observing from the distanced perspective of a narrator.

Mei is caught. Sliding the small, mostly dead plant on the counter closer to her, she sticks her finger in the soil. Still damp.

(p.6)

While in the middle of detailing Mei’s phone conversation with Annette, the narrative takes a small detour back into Mei’s mind with this quick, in-the-moment, and off-topic interjection regarding the plant.

Connie had no idea who Sandy was to Mei, that he was dead, or how his death had affected her. She just took off. Mei sits on the bed and looks out the window. The goose is back, staring in at her. She had never told Sandy about Connie either.

(p.130)

This time the goose awkwardly interrupts a series of rather heavy thoughts, but Mei’s mind moves on just as quickly and bluntly as when it was first distracted. This reflects a natural stream-of-consciousness style that I again find relatable. 

However, there were some elements that had the opposite effect:

In the front is an embroidered goose, flying in a thunderstorm. ‘Weird. This is definitely coming upstairs,’ Mei says.

(p.48)

‘I can sit on it,’ she says to herself.

(p.156)

I remember consciously disliking these moments when I first read them. I personally don’t typically speak out-loud to myself when I’m alone, and when I do, it’s usually some sort of random outburst rather than any mundane, coherent, or well-formed thoughts. I recognize that this may just be a personal factor, but I do find that when authors include characters speaking to themselves (versus simply thinking to themselves) in such a manner, it serves as an uncomfortable reminder that I’m reading a fictional character with artificial thoughts.

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