Race, love, and The South
I grew up the south, so I can relate to the story of Yun. White women were praised and held high and women of color were considered less than. I remember the black girls at my high school getting mad at my black best friend, who was also the football captain, for having all white girlfriends in high school. He was ostracized for it, but all of us understood. The black girls at our school were less than lady like so honestly it wasn’t us, it was them. Even my first love was a white girl, decent social standing and highly educated. I thought I just had a thing for white girls but I found out that Mrs. Chandler may have had a point. Its not about race but about grace..
In the culture of my hometown, it is easy for a person like me to over look the Black, Asian, Latino, and Arab girls. the white woman was sought after. It wasn’t ’til I met a girl, who is still a close friend till this day, that i realized that it was about grace. Years later, I find myself mostly attracted to a intelligent and graceful girl regardless of race. But as i go back to my hometown i do not often feel this attraction to most of the girls I meet. Grace is lost on most downtrodden minorities.
Mostly what i remember from my past was being different. Not white not black not Mexican or Asian, just different. And they are not considered Hispanic or Latino, just Mexican. Everyone whether they realized it or not was trying to fit into the picture without sticking out. I would get pulled over just because there weren’t any white people in the car. My best friend saw this, noticed the hate that is hidden beneath the surface, and felt as though he needed to mold into the melting pot that is The South. Today he is engaged to a white girl and three of his six brothers married white woman. I am not saying that these men just married these women because they were white, there is no doubt they do love their spouses. all i am saying is that it played more of an impact in the back of their mind that they thought it did. The most praised child in their next generation is the black skinned, blonde haired, blue eyed son, which also makes me wonder.
After coming to Emory I realized that the social pressures and prejudices that surrounded me growing up did not have to define my personal opinion on beauty as it relates to race Before, it seemed as though I should strive to find a woman of grace, which typically was only found with a white woman. After various experiences, however, I realized that beauty is unique to the person, and their own personality and characteristics should be the main criteria when judging a woman’s attractiveness. I should not subject myself to the same racism, bias, and bigotry that has plagued us minorities. The internal hate is greater than the external hate, and that is the true tragedy.
I really enjoyed reading your blog as it reflected your honest opinions, and experiences that you have encountered over the years.
After the white male being considered the most dominant and sought after specie, the white female is considered the next sought after specie. In the past, men, and even women of all race and cultures have been raised with this view that the hierarchy of dominance exists with the white species at the peak. It is only in recent years that this hierarchy seems to have dispersed and now appears more horizontally balanced. Having said that, I personally believe that due to ones distinctive cultural upbringing, it is almost natural to feel more attracted to persons of ones own culture and race. However, since we now live in a developed and culturally assimilated world, ‘inter-caste’ and ‘mixed-religion’ relationships and marriages exist, and they do so very often.This is seen today because people also get attracted to the internal aspect of ones being including traits such as ones personality, attitude, grace, and other such attributes in addition to ones physical appearance. Thereby agreeing with your comment that, “After various experiences, however, I realized that beauty is unique to the person, and their own personality and characteristics should be the main criteria when judging a woman’s attractiveness.”
Its interesting to note the comparison of the societal pressures of that era and the generalizations that still exist today. Coming from the west coast, I did not have the southern experience growing up but can understand how those norms can shape the malleable minds of young students. For Yun in particular, this likely stood as a difficult barrier to overcome. Unfortunately, even with grace being a strong factor that can dictate the aura that a woman gives off, the stereotypes regarding minorities of this day and age along with the way in which they are interpreted are still dominant factors that impact the appearance of many women.
Optimus: certainly you are not making assumptions about all Black women in the world based on the behavior of a few young women in your high school. That would be a truly problematic generalization. And when you say ” Its not about race but about grace..” what do you mean exactly? I think about the Cult of True Womanhood which said that only wealthy white women had grace and all other women were to be seen as less than. This trapped the wealthy white women on a pedestal that was almost impossible to remain on and it dismissed the value, contribution, and even the human-ness of all other women. Furthermore, when you say “grace is lost on most downtrodden minorities” do you mean that most people don’t see the grace of “minorities” (people of color, LGBT people, poor people, people with disabilities, etc) because they are often invisible or seen as “other” in American society? What does “grace” mean to you? You talk a lot (directly and indirectly) about the value of whiteness in American society. Why is whiteness so valued? You may want to check out George Lipsitz’s book “The Possessive Investment in Whiteness.” It’s a great read and addresses some of the issues you bring up. Lastly, while your personal experience is interesting and, I imagine, a powerful part of your understanding of the world, please remember these blog posts are about connecting the weekly readings we do to either what you find in the archives on Thursdays or to some current event.