(Part Two) The Urgency of Compassion

Tibetan Mind Training and Cognitive Psychology

Mind training or “lojong” as it is known in Tibetan Buddhism, is very similar to three cognitive strategies that cognitive psychologists use today. One is called “attention deployment,” although it’s sometimes called “distraction.” It basically has to do with how we apply our attention to regulate our emotions in the body. For example, let’s say a little child is in distress because of some pain or maybe he or she is hungry or something else is bothering them. The child is crying, and their parents don’t know what’s going on, but obviously the child’s attention is drawn to whatever is causing that pain or distress.

The parents have to try to disengage the child’s attention from what is causing that pain or irritation and direct it to something that is soothing, maybe giving the child a nice touch and hug or hold it, a warm touch so that the child’s attention goes to that warm feeling. It brings the child’s attention away from what is distressing and that can help soothe and comfort. Or if that doesn’t work, then sometimes that the parents may say to the child, “Oh, look at this! Something interesting!” and point to maybe a bird or some kinds of colors or to something that might make some noise or maybe some facial expression. If that is interesting, child’s attention will go there, and it’s not stuck with something that is causing pain.

You can think of it like the child’s brain is on fire with whatever is irritating it. By bringing their attention to something interesting, something comforting, something soothing, it literally calms down that brain on fire. If you sustain the child’s attention long enough with that interesting thing, then the activated and distressed circuits of the child’s brain are calmed, and then the child will go on playing and eating or studying or whatever. It becomes a regulated mind and body. This is a similar strategy that you find in practices of attention training for example. So often people talk about how to cultivate our attention, to be more in the present moment.

The second strategy that cognitive psychologists use is what they refer to as “self-distancing.” Paul Ekman, an expert on emotions, says that distressful events do not trigger emotions, rather it is our own appraisal of them. It’s how we interpret the events that trigger our emotions. So, that being the case, certain events happen, whether it is interacting with a person, or we are in some pain or we notice some lump or we anticipate something happening in the future, and we are so quick to judge. We think, “This is really good,” “This is bad,” “What else might happen,” and all this psychological projection and judging happens, little sparks of emotion and fear and agitation appear. It can become a big forest fire, with those winds of projection and judging.

So, self-distancing has to do with bringing awareness to those feelings, those impulses, and perceptions and then to be able to acknowledge and witness them, by stepping back so to speak. Disengaging from our projections or judging, and just witnessing, acknowledging, and letting it come and go. That’s it. The research in this field is strong in showing how it helps with all kinds of risky conditions that we’re struggling with today.

The third strategy is what they call “reappraisal.” That’s what Aaron Beck was doing earlier with his physicist client, “reframing.” Certain events that we encounter, whether it’s someone else’s criticism of us, or anticipating some outcome or future goal that did not happen, we often appraise these in terms of something negative or threatening for us. But if we can bring that broader perspective to change the meaning of the situation, then it changes our feelings and emotions, and that’s what the cognitively-based compassion training utilizes.

These three kinds of strategies are at the heart of this lojong mind training tradition, this ancient Indo-Tibetan mind training tradition. Modern scientific insights and research also show their effectiveness in relation to how our mind works. So, in that sense, these strategies found both in Buddhism and in science are just basically about paying attention, observing, and understanding our thoughts and emotions by observation.

Reframing and Reappraising Threatening Situations

His Holiness the Dalai Lama realizes that modern education needs to incorporate the education of the heart, while training our brain and intellect. We need to train our heart as well. When it comes to training the heart, how can we be more compassionate, kind, cooperative and helpful towards others, if we ourselves are struggling emotionally, if we ask ourselves are empty? We don’t have anything to give to others. A spiritual revolution is needed in education to incorporate the education of the heart. 

That’s what SEE Learning® is about. It really involves self-regulation, which is very important. This has to do with our emotional intelligence. If we are not aware of our emotions, if we are not aware of how emotions arise, if we don’t have the tools to regulate our emotions then any little emotional feeling that arises can easily get blown out of proportion. Then it can really impact our life.

Learning Self-Regulation

We are social beings, so our emotions impact our relationship with others. If I’m irritated with someone for their little mistake or they are not including me in a certain activity or if I’m irritated with their success, if I’m troubled by that, then it is not only going to impact my own health, emotional and physical health but also, it’s going to affect my relationships with others, and we are social beings. Our success and well-being are very much dependent on our social life as social beings. So, social intelligence involves how we feel about others, how we respond to others’ feelings and needs, to our success and challenges. It has a lot to do with our own well-being.

Thirdly, how we respond to situations in life or to other people comes down to ethics, it has to do with how we react or respond to people or to situations physically, verbally, or attitudinally and this also complicates our relationship with others. What kind of behavior, what kind of action would actually create more harmony, understanding, and peace? We may think of this as decision-making, how do we respond? Ethical discernment, an ethical kind of competency has to do with how we respond.

Developing Social and Emotional Intelligence

Social Emotional and Ethical Learning or SEE Learning® like CBCT®, takes a comprehensive approach to promoting well-being on a personal level and by extension on an interpersonal level and then towards the larger community or the world, because we are part of the human community. In that lens of interdependence, when it connects us with a larger number of beings, promotes a sense of connection and warmth. Obviously, others’ well-being is important, their struggles will matter. Therefore, how do we engage with others so that at least we’re not contributing to the problem? And if possible, contributing to the solution?

Let’s take for example global warming. If I am so lost in my own emotional struggles, I’m not going to have the bandwidth to really see others and their needs. I need to regulate my own emotions, so self-regulation of my emotions becomes important. What Daniel Goleman calls our “inner focus,” bringing focus to our personal emotions and feelings and then learning how to regulate them.

Being Part of the Solution, Not Part of the Problem

With that comes this other focus, which is a sense of safety and security. This is so important, since we are living beings. For any living being, life is precious. We want to live a day longer. When our life is threatened, that’s when our vision shrinks and self-absorption narrows. When we feel a certain sense of safety and security, then we can explore. We don’t shrink in the corner, in our psychological corner, but rather we have openness and there’s a creativity, curiosity and you are seeing others. A child can learn better and explore its surroundings better and interact with others and see other’s needs. So that’s where the other focus has to be. If we regulate our bodies and minds and feel safer, then we have a much better opportunity to see other’s needs and have meaningful interactions.

If I can establish meaningful connections with a larger number of people, whether they are like me or not, by seeing that on a deeper level, we are all similar in wanting to be happy and free from suffering, and seeing the interdependence between us, then my sense of tenderness, warmth, and connection with a larger number of beings unfolds. Then their struggles will matter to me, their well-being will be important for me. At a communal or global level, you can see that my actions surrounding what I eat, my own consumption of clothing or food and so forth, is impacting the environment and therefore impacting the very people that I love. I feel close to them, I feel tenderly towards them, and so protecting the environment becomes important because of my tenderness towards other sentient beings, other living beings.

Seeing The Interdependence With Others

Through cultivating these inner competencies, we can really help ourselves and our children and become much more complete human beings, more well-rounded, with greater emotional skills. You might be able to really excel in certain kinds of technical education, like math or science, but then when you have to work with people, it will be difficult.

Let’s say that you end up as the president of a company. As the company president, you might be struggling with your own emotional issues, and you are not able to pay attention to your colleagues and employees and see their needs and attend to them. All your technical knowledge may not be able to give you a sense of flourishing, but it would also not be able to sustain your work. If everybody around you doesn’t trust you and doesn’t really feel close to you, then you will end up feeling very isolated. That sense of isolation leads to loneliness and it can easily burn you out.

Making Healthier Connections

SEE Learning® brings these inner tools into education, these emotional competencies. In applying technical knowledge such as math, science, literature, medicine, business, or whatever we do, if we are coming from a healthier place emotionally, we will have healthier connections with others. If we have greater systems thinking, a greater awareness, a greater ability to see things from a broader perspective, then our knowledge, education, and technical tools that we have can be used for the greater good. We will not only find satisfaction and fulfillment for ourselves, but we can most importantly make a difference for others in the world that we live in.

That sense of making a difference is so deep in us as mammals, as human beings. We feel deeply rewarded when we can make a difference, even in one person’s life. If someone is struggling and you are able to help to them, that person’s smile afterwards brings a certain degree of comfort to you as well. Biologically, we have this disposition in such situations where we are able to help, it can bring us a great sense of fulfillment and joy. It can make personal lives better but eventually, it can make the world better collectively.

Making A Difference In The World

Scientists say if conditions remain stable, if we don’t end up destroying the planet through the global warming and killing ourselves, that this earth can sustain life for another billion years. That’s a long time, so we have to pay attention to what kind of beings that we wish to be in the future. His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s dream is that one day the education of the heart will become as compulsory a subject as math and literature.