Last week, a topic that Dr. Raper discussed was helplessness and control. A particular conversation that moved me involved culture’s role in shaping one’s feelings of helplessness or control. For example, cultures that emphasize the importance of a man working and being the breadwinner while the woman takes care of the house and raises the children may make a husband who stays at home (due to various reasons, like physical health) feel quite insecure and helpless. Additionally, cultures that stigmatize divorce can make it incredibly difficult to leave an abusive relationship, even if separating from a toxic partner is the best decision an individual can make—the fear of being ostracized by your community can be significant.
After class, I kept thinking about helplessness during COVID-19, particularly brought on by the Indian culture. I was painfully reminded of how my family and many other Indians living abroad (ex: Indian Americans) lived in a state of fear of losing their loved ones overseas. Such a fear was tightly associated with helplessness due to the travel restrictions imposed by various governments that made travel to and out of India nearly impossible. I heard countless stories of individuals needing to attend the funerals of their loved ones virtually via Zoom. Hindus, who make up the vast majority of India, believe that proper funeral processions must occur; otherwise, it can be challenging for one’s soul to leave a body and continue with its journey (Callaghan Mortuary, n.d.; Kramer, 2021). Not being able to witness the funeral of your loved one in person (if at all due to mass cremation sites becoming the norm to avoid the spread of the contagion) caused immense pain (Singh, 2021). Far too many asked themselves the following: ‘Is living abroad worth it if I cannot even see my family members, who dedicated their lives to doing all they can to see me lead a better life in another country, in their final moments, or at their funeral? Should I have stayed in India?‘ My family, much like many others of the Indian diaspora, constantly called relatives in India and asked if they were doing well, hoping and praying for an affirmative response (Singh, 2021). Do you all relate to this feeling of helplessness over the last couple of years?
Sreyas,
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective on helplessness during the COVID-19 pandemic. I resonated with this greatly in relation to my grandparents, who live across the country from me and did not follow COVID protocol as closely as we encouraged them to. This caused me a solid amount of stress, and I can’t even imagine the toll this must take on families who worry about their relatives all the way overseas. Particularly related to religious tradition, I picture that the burden of death on a family is only compounded by their inability to celebrate one’s life in the manner that would bring them the most comfort in such a difficult time.
Sreyas, thank you for sharing your thoughts on the impact the COVID pandemic has has on you and your family. I do think it was hard to not feel helpless when we saw (still see) so much suffering here in the U.S. as well as abroad via news sources. I hope that things have evened out a bit for you.