There’s this game we play when it comes to finding a sexual partner. I like to call it “the chase” and I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about. Step 1: You meet someone. Step 2: You talk for a little and you find yourself liking this person. Step 3: They don’t seem as interested (playing hard-to-get). Step 4: You desire this person even more now. What is it about trying to “get” someone who isn’t throwing themselves at you? There’s this satisfaction of sexually interacting with someone whom you’ve successfully “chased.”
Stated in “Sexual Desire and Gender,” the sociobiological view of desire is that “humans have an innate, genetically triggered impulse, to pass on their genetic material, through successful reproduction.” Speaking biologically, we are programmed to HAVE desire, to sexually interact, to ensure reproduction. In a social context, Schwartz and Rutter say that “a social conflict theorist would go a step further and note that the enactment of gendered fashion norms serves the political agenda of groups in power (in this case men) at the macro level.” In this sense, I think that women gain satisfaction from the chase because they are enticed by the “power” of men. Whereas in the case of men, I think men feel satisfaction from the chase in a more biological sense; they want the sexual pleasure and in a more innate sense, they want to pass on their genetic material – “reproductive fitness.” Now, I’m not saying that men are more animalistic or inferior to women in this sense, I’m merely stating that perhaps women and men have different reasonings for gaining satisfaction from this chase.
The saying “men inseminate, women incubate” wouldn’t accurately describe the sexual behavior at Emory University. It is known that women get way more attached when sex is involved, but honestly from what I’ve witnessed, girls are hooking up with numerous guys without that need for a relationship. Maybe because its college, or because Emory is different from society, but I think that just as many girls as guys are hooking up with various partners. There’s desire coming from both genders – women aren’t just trying to stick with one partner. Biologically, Schwartz and Rutter explain that women are more likely to get divorced and remarried because they’re looking to create a better child – they’re looking for better genes constantly. And men, men are likely to have many partners because they’re trying to pass on their genes as well.
Sociobiologists also claim that “older men generally pick younger women because they are more fertile; younger women seek older men who have more status, power, and resources because such men can provide for their children” (Sexual Desire and Gender page 278). I find this interesting (and weird) when looking at my parents that are 8 years apart. Where they thinking this when the initial desire kicked in?
So back to the chase… personally, I love the chase. As a competitive person, the challenge is enticing. And “winning,” well, it doesn’t get better then winning.
I agree with you completely that females can just as easily as males “play the field” but I do think that there is something that makes females become more attached than males. I am not sure what it is, maybe the security of being in a relationship, but from my experience with my friends, they get attached very easily. I think we are at an age where many girls want to be in a relationship and therefore look into things that boys do to an unnecessary level. Many envy their friends who are in relationships and want to experience that themselves. I also think that there is a common thought shared by all women that they are “different and not like other girls” and therefore should be treated differently by boys.
Interesting point about Emory possibly being its own distinct society. I wonder what the results would be if researches observe sexual behavior within universities in different geographical locations? e.g. Emory vs. UGA, or even Emory vs. Stockholm University.
I find it interesting that you related “the chase” to having biological origins and how men and women differ in their methods completely. I have never thought about that before, but it does now appear right when I apply it to real life situations. I do find it odd, however, that women are more likely to get divorced. I see women as becoming more attached due to their maternal instincts.
merstar: how to rectify your statement “Speaking biologically, we are programmed to HAVE desire, to sexually interact, to ensure reproduction” with what we learned about asexuality? Are those who do not have desire “mis-programmed” so to speak or could it be that society has constructed desire in a certain way to mean a certain thing?
I am also intrigued by your interpretation of “men inseminate, women incubate” within the context of Emory. I read this as saying that men are the active “inseminators” and women are waiting to be “inseminated” so they can “incubate” a baby (I guess). But what you are saying is that at Emory you think women are just as sexually active as men and are not sitting around waiting to be “inseminated” so to speak.