Our service day with the West Atlanta Watershed Alliance really got me thinking. 

I was excited to be greeted by the mountain. As soon as we got there I was already facing the outgoing paths. A big part of me wanted to wander off and lose myself in them, but that was not what we were there for. At first there were only a handful of people, and I was trying my best to settle into the environment. As more and more people showed up I felt my social anxiety build, but I felt encouraged by the number of people willing to volunteer for a children’s event. Once I realized none of them were kids, I became a bit worried. When the rain came and we huddled together inside, I could feel how unprepared I was for the sudden change in plans. I started to retreat into myself when we made introductions. Then the rain cleared and we split into groups, and I realized that I had been readying myself to support a community, not to be part of one.

The group I was in started walking up the mountain and uprooting invasives. I knew it was supposed to be fun. It would have felt fun if I was in a better state of mind. The whole time I was thinking about how uncomfortable I was, how I should not be uncomfortable. I normally walked into the woods to escape people, and now I was surrounded by them. Part of me did not want to be there. But as I kept bending and pulling roots, I felt something like relief. I could not bring myself to speak to or look at anyone, but as I kept working alongside them and watching the pile of ivy grow and grow, my walls started to come down. I felt proud of what we were doing collectively. That made me really appreciate everyone’s company, the time and space we shared, even though I knew I did not have it in me to express it. It felt good to remember what community engagement felt like.