In the spring of my first year in my master’s program, I interned at the DeKalb County Medical Examiner’s Office. This opportunity was easily one of the most influential experiences I’ve had, and one that has informed who I want to be in the field of public health. I had anticipated just doing data analysis work using their mortality data, but ended up also shadowing and assisting in autopsies, taking photos of scenes for the forensic investigators, and assisting in taking the decedent from the scene to the lab. As heartbreaking as that job often was for me, it fundamentally changed my view on public health. Public health and policy is often taught and talked about in a very high-level, theoretical manner, but talking with families and being witness to the most vulnerable moments of human life, loss, and grief, transformed public health into something deeply personal and connected for me.

I bring this up because of the Silverlake documentary we watched today. The scene of Mark filming Tom right after his passing was so emotional, raw, and heartbreaking. It hit me really hard because I’ve had similar experiences going to scenes while the families were still there. Like Mark talks about in the documentary, even when you know what is coming, the finality of death and loss hits you like a train. That is something that I think notably distinguishes the COVID-19 pandemic from the HIV/AIDS crisis of the 80s. For HIV/AIDS back then, a diagnosis was essentially a death sentence. Mark and Tom spoke about feeling like they were watching themselves die for years before they eventually passed; it was impending, incremental, and anticipated. With COVID-19, many people have dismissed it as being just like the flu, and probably not all that dangerous if you’re young. But I witnessed a lot of COVID-19 deaths; from children and teenagers to parents and grandparents. Death from COVID-19 blindsides people. There are no winners either way; knowing or not knowing death is coming doesn’t make its arrival any less devastating, but I think it tells us a lot about how people understood these two different viruses. We’ve talked about this a lot with health communication and education, but I think this demonstrates the importance of putting people at the front of public health. I think people who may have ostracized those living with AIDS or demonized/moralized the virus could not have watched that documentary without having their entire perception of the virus and people’s experience with it change. Similarly, I think witnessing so much loss and pain that families experienced when a loved one passed from COVID left a lasting impact on me, and gave different weight to the virus.