Sexual Identity: Desire, Dating and Marriage
Talks with S
09/22/2012
We can describe desire as something or someone that one may want, dating as an activity that two persons engage themselves in together as a couple, and marriage as an institution that includes the legal acknowledgement of a commitment made by this couple. The traditional model of sexuality included a man desiring a woman and visa versa. The inclusive model now acknowledges men desiring other men, women desiring other women, men desiring both men and women and so on. Our global society has although now acknowledged this new inclusive model, it hasn’t wholeheartedly accepted this new trend. It is believed that our desires occur from certain hormones and other bodily fluids that are secreted by our brain and body glands. When one is attracted to another individual, it isn’t under our control. The terms such as “love is blind” and “love at first sight” aren’t just cheesy lines created by the romanticists, but actually hold scientific proof of attraction among human beings. Although the topics of men loving other men, women loving other women and so on, have surfaced only in recent years, this actually wouldn’t have been the real case. I believe that this would have been experienced ever since the existence of human civilization. The first male may have desired the first female, and thus as eventually societies settled and grew, this must have become the norm. If a female would have desired another female, she would have thought of it as just “caring” for the other female and distracted herself by getting attracted to another man. However, now, that the subject of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc. is out in the open, the global society needs to understand that this is the real case. Desires are beyond a female wanting a man’s biological organ and a man wanting a female’s biological organ. Desires include emotions, feelings and wants. Such qualities can also be accomplished by one after being with someone of the same sex.
As I mentioned before, society has at least acknowledged the fact that some individuals may desire someone belonging to the same sex. Now after desiring someone, the next step comes to dating. When couples of different genders show their affection publically, it may be viewed as “the norm”, however, when couples of the same sex show the same kind of affection, one may look away out of disgust. This, again pointing out that society hasn’t accepted the inclusive sexuality model. If a “straight” female is allowed to date a male, then why is a gay male not allowed to date another gay male? And then why are they not allowed to get married? Today in modern society, we view marriage as an activity that a couple partakes in to legally prove their love towards each other, thereby giving them a legal title and also health, social, pension and other such benefits. Our Human Rights give us the legal right to choose our own lifestyle, choose our dating mate and our own life partner. Since the law cannot command a white- 6 feet tall- male to only date or marry a 5 feet 10 inches tall –white- female, it shouldn’t be allowed to define what a people belonging to the queer group should be allowed to do. If he or she desires, wants to date or marry someone of the same sex, he or she should be allowed to do so. At the end of the day, it has been proven by scientists, psychologist, doctors, and other such professionals that one does not “choose” their sexuality, it is what one is “born with.”
This process of gaining societal and legal acceptance, along with acknowledgement of same-sex marriages will take several years to accomplish as this issue is fairly new. The first step should be to re-define marriage as the union of two individuals of any sexual orientation and sexual identity, and not just as the union of a male with a female.
I think “several years” is unrealistically optimistic. I would agree that recently there has been a significant shift is the opinion of open, educated people, but re-defining marriage in law is not going to entirely eliminate the discrimination that LGBTs face. African American slaves were freed officially in the 1860s, but throughout the majority of the 20th century (and debatably still today) they faced intolerant behavior. To entirely change the public opinion will take a much longer struggle.
I agree that it will take significant time for the government to create legislations that will support LGBT relationships however, I do think that the younger generations are more willing to accept this community more readily than even us and any branch of government. I think that, for the newer generations, these “new” relationships will become the norm and hopefully we will live to see new legislations that embrace the LGBT community and we can all die happy (at least I will). We will never change the entire public opinion but like the African Americans, I feel that the LGBT community will soon enough have their slice of victory.
Talks: What if the same sex couple doesn’t want to get married? What rights would they be granted (individually and as a couple)? Also, you say “At the end of the day, it has been proven by scientists, psychologist, doctors, and other such professionals that one does not “choose” their sexuality, it is what one is “born with.” Was this your final interpretation of the readings we did? What about a social constructionist stance that says society and culture helps shape our desires? Is it possible that as being gay is more accepted by mainstream society more people will identify as gay?
Dear Ms. Troka:
In response to your question:
“What if the same sex couple doesn’t want to get married? What rights would they be granted (individually and as a couple)?”
I personally believe that their individual rights should be the same as those of any other individual not belonging to the LGBTQ Community. To be honest, since I am not fully aware of the U.S rights given to married couples of the opposite sex, I cannot specifically talk about the rights that should be allowed to married couples of the same sex. However, broadly speaking, if a state in the U.S legally allows same-sex marriage, then the married same-sex couple should be given all the rights that are given to a married couple of the opposite sex. If a same-sex couple is dating, but not married, then they should not be given legal marriage rights.
Furthermore, a state that does not allow same-sex marriages, should give equal rights to the same-sex couple as those that are given to any married couple of different genders. I would add that this should be done only if the same-sex couple is allowed to somehow register formally or officially (with the government) as a couple. This seems like a tedious process, but may be the only way that couples of the same sex who are in a strong and committed relationship, be allowed to enjoy the important rights of a married couple even if they are living in a state that doesn’t legalize same sex marriages.
Then to answer your next question:
“Also, you say “At the end of the day, it has been proven by scientists, psychologist, doctors, and other such professionals that one does not “choose” their sexuality, it is what one is “born with.” Was this your final interpretation of the readings we did?What about a social constructionist stance that says society and culture helps shape our desires?”
Yes, this was my final interpretation after our class discussion and the readings. However, when I say “born with”, I do not mean to disregard that society and culture does in fact play a huge rule is shaping our sexual identity. I feel it is a mixture of what we are born with, along with our circumstances. I feel that we are born with certain hormones and feelings, that do signal our sexual desires in some way; however our environment may obligate us to question that very same desire and we may even modify it someday.
Lastly, the answer to your last question:
“Is it possible that as being gay is more accepted by mainstream society more people will identify as gay?”
This is definitely true! Everyone likes to fit in and be accepted. If the inclusive model begins to be viewed as the “normal” model then more people will identify with this “norm.”