Sara’s Personal Monologue
Last Saturday, I went to Zoo Atlanta for my 21st birthday. I saw some giraffes, a red panda, bought a churro—all according to plan. About midday, I predicted that I was going to be hungry very soon, so I took one of my friends with me into one of the indoor eateries so that I could buy her a slice of pizza, myself some chicken tenders, and I sent my other friends to find us a table. I made sure smile to the lady handing me the tenders, thank the cashier, and pay in exact change. I was very excited by the end of the transaction because I was starting to feel a bit hungry, meaning that I had made the right decision in going to get lunch when we did. I got my food, but could not go eat yet because I wanted condiments in which to dip my chicken tenders, and I wanted this meal to be an efficient one-trip journey. So I make a beeline to the honey mustard, but just a few feet away, and on the way all of my coins fall out of my wallet. Every. Single. One. Now in order for you to understand how many coins I had in my wallet, lets just say it was not a ton. It looked like a rich flowing stream, full of youth, bursting with opportunity and ready to enter the job market in stride. So basically, it was a crap ton of coins.
It was then that I turned around and realized that everyone was staring at me. I was frozen. I wanted to vomit. My friend and I awkwardly picked up the coins one by one, holding up the crowd wanting to get to the barbecue sauce who were slightly frustrated yet also slightly embarrassed for me.
After the fact, I kept wondering, “Why do I hate it so much when people stare at me like that?” I mean, I’m an actor and a singer, and I love performing for people when I’m on stage. But why do I hate when people look at me in public? Why does it make me sick? Why did it shatter my birthday zoo daydream fantasy? And I think it’s because I only like performing when it is my choice. When I can plan it out. Prepare. Pay in exact change. But most of the time, you can’t pay in exact change. And sometimes you accidentally leave your coin purse open, so everyone can see what’s inside. And you’re left vulnerable.
So where does that leave me? How am I supposed to grow my confidence? Fearlessly allow people to see what’s inside the metaphorical coin purse of my spiritual wallet? Well, I don’t know, stop putting me on the spot!
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