Imposter Syndrome

I love the beginning of the semester. As a faculty member, there is so much planning to prepare for the journey and yet I still feel that same excitement I had as a student beginning new classes. As a student, I remember excitedly looking at a syllabus for a new class; the roadmap for the trip a class will take during the semester with highlights and instructions listed. With new colored pens, sticky notes, and new notebooks, I would feel sure this was the semester I would stay organized, keep artfully exquisite notes, and never question my purpose in taking a class.

I also fully recall the feeling when moments of doubt trickle in. That first lecture when concepts no longer click, when your homework answers do not reflect your understanding (or perhaps they fully reflect your lack of understanding), and the dread of the first exam where you will find out how well you have been doing and rank your results against your peers. That dread can also speak to another fear: do I belong here and when will someone realize I don’t – the Imposter Syndrome.

Silent but Pervasive

Imposter syndrome is a common phrase these days and a prevalent feeling in graduate school. Imposter Syndrome is defined as feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Imposters’ suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence regardless of external proof of their competence and, often, their mastery. Ironically, this is more common among high achieving, highly successful people. And to be clear, this is not the same as low self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence. In fact, some researchers have linked it with perfectionism, especially in women and among academics.

At least 30% of millennials currently experience some feelings of imposter syndrome and as much as 70% of people will experience it at least once in their lives. 

Recently, you may have seen celebrities normalizing imposter syndrome and sharing that they too suffer from feelings of inadequacy despite their earned position. Michelle Obama discussed still feeling like an imposter in 2018 while sitting on the stage at the Royal Festival Hall in London. That’s right, a lawyer who graduated from Princeton and Harvard Law School, the author of a #1 New York Times bestseller that sold out in a few days, a woman who went on a book tour across the world, and the former first lady doubts her abilities and shares her surprise that people want to listen to her. If you have ever had these feelings of “being found out,” you are in some very good company.

Many studies agree that up to one third of millennials are affected by the phenomenon and some have estimated that 70% of people will experience at least one episode of Impostor Syndrome in their lives (Gravois, 2007), where they doubt their abilities and accomplishments, regardless of how successful they are and despite evidence to the contrary. 

“Do I belong here and when will someone realize I don’t?”

Seeking an antidote

So what can you do to mitigate the negative effects of Imposter Syndrome?

First, you need to recognize these feelings for being the undermining forces that they are (several researchers in the UK call them gremlins, and I admit that I love that visual. If you think about the movie, gremlins are small and annoying but not altogether as awful). 

Accept that you are not supposed to know everything, especially at the beginning of a semester or graduate program. I have been working in HIV research for two decades and I do not know everything and I never will. No one does. How liberating is that?

Put your feelings in context. Most people have moments where they don’t feel confident and self-doubt can be a normal reaction. Graduate school is a prime opportunity for this. But take a look around you, as you sit in your classrooms, virtually or literally, and settle into the beginning of a semester. If you feel a trickle of doubt about being in the right place or being “found out,” odds are that one of the people on either side of you (socially distance and 6 feet away), is feeling the same. When the doubt hits you, talk to people you are close with and get support. Opening up to someone about being unsure of your abilities in graduate school is good for your mental health and you will almost surely find that you are not alone.

Lastly, be kind to yourself. Self-doubt tears down our confidence and lets those inner (gremlin) voices get loud. Graduate school is hard. Moving to a new city is hard. Being a first generation student is hard. Living through a pandemic is hard and is making all of the other hard things harder. And living at a time in our country where we are confronting racial justice issues brings up insecurities and decades or demeaning messaging. So be kind to yourself and acknowledge this: you are in one of the premier schools of public health in this country at a time when we could not need well-trained, justice-minded epidemiologists more. You are not here by accident. We read your application. We read your recommendations. We picked you and we want you here. We are here to support you, learn with you and from you, and to cheer you on.

You belong here.