1st Revision

For this first revision I decided to focus on my essay with a ‘zoomed out’ perspective. I believe it will be a more effective revision if I first spot out any major structural issues, continuing with the revision process by focusing on minor details towards the end.

One of the first changes I made was the organization of my paragraphs. I’ve decided to take a different approach this time around, something that was suggested in the comments from the first submission of this essay. I have switched the positioning of paragraphs 3 and 4, while also rearranging the presentation of information in paragraph 2. The essay now analyzes the bathtub hoax in the following order:

  1. Audience
  2. Credibility
  3. Tone (Although this paragraph also touches on credibility again. I plan on finding a way to ensure that there is a distinct difference between paragraph 2 and 3, as I find it to be a tad repetitive.)

In the audience paragraph, I have also rearranged the order of my sentences, using the specific groups of people that Mencken successfully convinced as more of a “hook” as opposed to just supporting evidence. I find that this is something I can utilize in making my argument stronger – did he intentionally target intellectual groups, with the hope of proving that even some of the most intelligent people can still be fooled?

Moving forward, I plan on taking advantage of the new structure of my essay, tying all of these rhetorical techniques together. I also plan on incorporating more concrete evidence, pulling more quotes and examples from the primary source.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to 1st Revision

  1. Lindsey Grubbs says:

    Great start, Rachel! You’re absolutely right that beginning with the big picture structural stuff is the place to start, and it sounds like you’ve got a good sense of how to rework your organization, and are ready to jump in more at the paragraph level. Looking forward to seeing this revision!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *