Corrections to Essay 1

I went and corrected some improper use of quotations. I had never really cited something that hadn’t come from a text, so I was unfamiliar with the rules of punctuation. When there is no parenthetical citation, the punctuation goes INSIDE the quotation marks!

Original:For example, when one plays the song ‘Revolution 9’ backwards, he/she can hear what appears to be John Lennon singing “Turn me on dead man, turn me on”.

Revised:For example, when one plays the song ‘Revolution 9’ backwards, he/she can hear what appears to be John Lennon singing “Turn me on dead man, turn me on.”

 

I sometimes get carried away in writing sentences and it may lead to long and overly comprehensive sentences. While they may not be considered run-ons, they are still overly complicated and long. Here, I say everything I said in the original sentence in about the same amount of space (I added some more detail to the revised); however, I broke it up into multiple sentences. The short sentences even make the point more like concrete statements rather than fluffy analysis.

Original: With the intent to stir not only the world of music, but also the world of pop culture whilst being the epicenter of outcry, cluesters suggested the death of McCartney through theorized connections in Beatles song lyrics, the medium

Revised: Cluesters suggested the death of McCartney through the medium of theorized connections in the Beatles’s lyrics. They became the epicenter of outcry, and enjoyed the fame that came with it.  They not only stirred the world of music, but the entire world of pop culture.

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1 Response to Corrections to Essay 1

  1. Lindsey Grubbs says:

    Nice edits, Alex. I think the revised sentences you included are clearer and more concrete that the original. You may want to look at the two “theys” you start the sentences with. In the first, we’ve just gotten the plural “lyrics” at the end of the preceding sentence, so the reader will assume that “they” refers to lyrics unless told otherwise.

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