Paper 1 Revision Changes

I have mostly focused on my paragraph about author/publication credibility.  This paragraph was somewhat weak because I was mixing author credibility with New York Magazine‘s credibility. The author credibility was not really related to the ideas of credibility, because I really needed to address the person who was the subject of the articles credibility, and the fact that New York Magazine is a credible source. I decided to rephrase my topic sentence so that it omitted the idea of author. It went from “Author credibility is vital to making a story convincing, but evidence of Mohammed’s success is important to the article’s believability as well” to “The credibility of New York Magazine is vital to making a story convincing, but evidence of Mohammed’s success is important to the article’s believability as well.” I feel that this paragraph still needs some more improvements, and that topic sentence may change as a continue to look at that paragraph and the paper as a whole. I am beginning to add even more synthesis of quotations in this paragraph and others, and discuss how individual words are so important to believability. The more I examine this paper and the quotation choices I picked, I can see that they are definitely helpful quotations, but there is more to them than I discussed.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Paper 1 Revision Changes

  1. Lindsey Grubbs says:

    Nice edit, Jack. It sounds like you’re beginning to see what needs to be done for a full revision of this paper, and working with topic sentences is a great place to figure a lot of this out. In the new topic sentence, it sounds like the paragraph will still be doing two things–and because of the “but” it actually sounds like the credibility of the magazine will take second billing to evidence of Mohammed’s success. Does that reflect the paragraph that follows? If not, that may be one place to think about editing some more.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *