Paper 1 Revisions

Before I read through my first essay and started my revisions for Paper 1, I read through the comments on my essay and used that as a starting point. In some paragraphs, I strayed too far from the topic sentence when trying to bring in other points in Poe’s writing when I could’ve easily supported my topic sentence with more detailed analysis of the text. For example, my topic sentence was “Poe reassures the audience and attains ethos by alluding to the presence of other doctors and sounding professional.” The poorly placed sentence that I am alluding to is: “Another suspicious yet convenient detail of the hoax is how M. Valdemar conveniently does not have any ‘relatives in America who would be likely to interfere.’ ” I replaced the later sentence with “The use of medical jargon: ‘semi-osseous or cartilaginous state’, ‘aneurism of the aorta’, and ‘ossification’ all bolsters Poe narrator’s credibility as an expert mesmerist.” I also added more detail to what kind of audience Poe is writing for and edited the order of my choppy intro summary of Poe’s “The Facts in the Case of  M. Valdemar.” I also made better transitions between my points by switching sentences around.