Uh oh. Apparently, you’ve miscalculated the amount of vodka shots you took on Fraternity Row. As your eyes slowly adjust, you realize with a sigh of relief that your current location does not appear to be a holding cell in jail. The panic soon wells up again when you see that you are laying down. In a hospital bed. At the place you only knew by billboards all over the ATL. Grady Memorial Hospital.
Don’t start screaming and passing out with fear quite yet. Here are the top eight things you need to know if you wind up at 80 Jesse Hill Drive.
- You have NO rights. You were drunk enough that someone assessed you needed immediate medical attention. This means they had to cycle through a list of check-offs to determine if you were capable of making informed and conscious decisions. Since you weren’t, don’t try to pull the IV out and hightail it out the sliding doors. The Grady security guards are very big and very good at what they do, you will lose.
- If you are underage, Grady WILL call your parents. So brace yourself for the barrage of texts from Mom and Dad that are about to come your way.
- You probably will have to talk to police, and depending on what you were doing at the time you decided to get sauced, you may have a few misdemeanors coming your way. Get on the phone with a lawyer ASAP.
- Since you are a student, a designated university official, most likely the Dean of Campus Life, will be arriving at your bedside. If you have decided to act a fool in the wee hours of the morning, the mood of this official will probably vary.
- Say thank you. To everyone. No matter what. You are taking up the bed of someone probably dying in the waiting room (Grady is a high volume trauma hospital) so don’t make them regret waking you up.
- As a second part to the item above, do not be sassy to your nurse/police officers/other patients.
- As scared and frustrated you might be, you will not have to worry about receiving top of the line medical attention. Lucky for you, even if you happened to have left your insurance card at the bar last night, or if you have no insurance, you will not be turned away or treated any differently. Grady is a public hospital and will not refuse anyone.
- When and if you are discharged, do not try to walk home. You are in a questionable part of Atlanta. Ask your nurse to see if you are eligible for the taxi service Grady provides for patients. At least you’ll avoid the walk of shame and get to keep your purse/wallet in the process. (Repeat Step No. 5)
Hopefully this will be your first and last involuntary trip to Grady. Go easy on the alcohol next time, and good luck.
For more information about Grady Memorial Hospital, visit their website at www.gradyhealth.org
Or call the main switchboard at (404) 616-1000